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ATTENTION, CITIZENS! Another Menace Invades Your Toy Shelves!

 

Listen up, folks! It's your friendly neighborhood truth-teller, J. Jonah Jameson, here to warn you about the latest threat to infiltrate your homes. Hasbro, in their infinite wisdom, has decided to glorify yet another vigilante with this so-called "Agent Venom" action figure.

 

As if we didn't have enough problems with that web-slinging menace Spider-Man! Now, I know what you're thinking. "But Jonah, isn't this Flash Thompson, a war hero?" Well, let me tell you something - strapping on an alien parasite doesn't make you a hero, it makes you a public menace!

 

But since some misguided souls might want to add this to their collection, let's break down what you're getting for your hard-earned money:

-A 6-inch scale figure of a man foolish enough to bond with an alien suit

-"Fully articulated" arms and legs, perfect for posing in all sorts of irresponsible vigilante actions

-An unmasked head, revealing the face of a man who should know better

-Two sets of hands, presumably for double the property damage

-Four other accessories, likely weapons of mass destruction

 

And for those of you who insist on the nitty-gritty details, here's what Hasbro wants you to know: UPC: 05010996282705

Company: Hasbro (enablers of superhero worship)

Theme: Spider-Man (as if one wall-crawler wasn't enough)

Product Type: Action Figures (more like "Inaction Figures")

Character: Spider-Man (guilt by association)

Collection: Marvel Legends (legendary troublemakers, more like)

Age: 4+ (starting the brainwashing young, I see)

Country of Origin: China (at least it's not from outer space)

 

Now, I know some of you out there are champing at the bit to get your hands on this monstrosity. But let me remind you - every dollar spent on this "Agent Venom" is a dollar that could've gone to supporting real heroes, like our boys in blue! So think twice before you bring this symbiote-suited menace into your home. And remember, folks - J. Jonah Jameson is always looking out for you!

Spider-Man Marvel Legends Agent Venom Flash Thompson 6-Inch Action Figure

SKU: SPIDER-FLASH
$32.00Price
  • 5010996282705