New Spider-Menace Toy Hits Shelves In a world where real heroes wear badges, not spandex.
Hasbro has decided to unleash yet another Spider-Man action figure upon our unsuspecting populace. This time, it's the so-called "Spider-Man Unlimited" 6-inch figure, part of their Marvel Legends line.
But let me ask you this, dear readers: do we really need more reminders of this wall-crawling menace in our homes? According to Hasbro, this figure is "detailed to look like the character from Marvel's Spider-Man comics." Well, isn't that just dandy? As if we didn't have enough trouble telling the difference between the real menace and his comic book counterpart.
They claim this toy is perfect for "reimagining comics-inspired scenes." I ask you, citizens of New York, do we want our children reimagining scenes of property damage and vigilante justice? Now, I know what you're thinking. "But JJ, it's just a toy!"
Well, let me break it down for you: This 6-inch scale figure is "fully articulated" - meaning it can probably crawl into places it doesn't belong, just like the real Spider-Man. It comes with 4 alternate hand accessories. That's right, 4 different ways for this plastic menace to point fingers at law-abiding citizens! It's designed for ages 4 and up. Are we really starting them this young on spider-worship?
The toy's description mentions battling against Carnage and "other unearthly enemies." I'll tell you what's unearthly - the idea that we need masked vigilantes swinging around our city! Now, I'm not saying Hasbro is intentionally trying to corrupt our youth. But let's face facts: this toy is made in China, probably mass-produced faster than Spider-Man can spin a web of lies. And with a UPC of 05010996282729, you can bet it'll be flying off the shelves quicker than you can say "public menace."
In conclusion, while I can't stop you from buying this... collectible, I urge you, dear readers, to think twice before bringing this Spider-Man figure into your homes. Remember, a real hero doesn't need action figures - they need the support of law-abiding citizens like you and me. This is J. Jonah Jameson, reminding you to stay vigilant and keep your eyes on the skies. And if you see Spider-Man, call the police!
Hasbro
Spider-Man Marvel Legends Spider-Man Unlimited 6-Inch Action Figure
New Spider-Menace Toy Hits Shelves In a world where real heroes wear badges, not spandex.
Hasbro has decided to unleash yet another Spider-Man action figure upon our unsuspecting populace. This time, it's the so-called "Spider-Man Unlimited" 6-inch figure, part of their Marvel Legends line.
But let me ask you this, dear readers: do we really need more reminders of this wall-crawling menace in our homes? According to Hasbro, this figure is "detailed to look like the character from Marvel's Spider-Man comics." Well, isn't that just dandy? As if we didn't have enough trouble telling the difference between the real menace and his comic book counterpart.
They claim this toy is perfect for "reimagining comics-inspired scenes." I ask you, citizens of New York, do we want our children reimagining scenes of property damage and vigilante justice? Now, I know what you're thinking. "But JJ, it's just a toy!"
Well, let me break it down for you: This 6-inch scale figure is "fully articulated" - meaning it can probably crawl into places it doesn't belong, just like the real Spider-Man. It comes with 4 alternate hand accessories. That's right, 4 different ways for this plastic menace to point fingers at law-abiding citizens! It's designed for ages 4 and up. Are we really starting them this young on spider-worship?
The toy's description mentions battling against Carnage and "other unearthly enemies." I'll tell you what's unearthly - the idea that we need masked vigilantes swinging around our city! Now, I'm not saying Hasbro is intentionally trying to corrupt our youth. But let's face facts: this toy is made in China, probably mass-produced faster than Spider-Man can spin a web of lies. And with a UPC of 05010996282729, you can bet it'll be flying off the shelves quicker than you can say "public menace."
In conclusion, while I can't stop you from buying this... collectible, I urge you, dear readers, to think twice before bringing this Spider-Man figure into your homes. Remember, a real hero doesn't need action figures - they need the support of law-abiding citizens like you and me. This is J. Jonah Jameson, reminding you to stay vigilant and keep your eyes on the skies. And if you see Spider-Man, call the police!