New Spider-Menace Toy Hits Shelves In a world where real heroes wear badges, not spandex.
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Hasbro has decided to unleash yet another Spider-Man action figure upon our unsuspecting populace. This time, it's the so-called "Spider-Man Unlimited" 6-inch figure, part of their Marvel Legends line.
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But let me ask you this, dear readers: do we really need more reminders of this wall-crawling menace in our homes? According to Hasbro, this figure is "detailed to look like the character from Marvel's Spider-Man comics." Well, isn't that just dandy? As if we didn't have enough trouble telling the difference between the real menace and his comic book counterpart.
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They claim this toy is perfect for "reimagining comics-inspired scenes." I ask you, citizens of New York, do we want our children reimagining scenes of property damage and vigilante justice? Now, I know what you're thinking. "But JJ, it's just a toy!"
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Well, let me break it down for you: This 6-inch scale figure is "fully articulated" - meaning it can probably crawl into places it doesn't belong, just like the real Spider-Man. It comes with 4 alternate hand accessories. That's right, 4 different ways for this plastic menace to point fingers at law-abiding citizens! It's designed for ages 4 and up. Are we really starting them this young on spider-worship?
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The toy's description mentions battling against Carnage and "other unearthly enemies." I'll tell you what's unearthly - the idea that we need masked vigilantes swinging around our city! Now, I'm not saying Hasbro is intentionally trying to corrupt our youth. But let's face facts: this toy is made in China, probably mass-produced faster than Spider-Man can spin a web of lies. And with a UPC of 05010996282729, you can bet it'll be flying off the shelves quicker than you can say "public menace."
Ā
In conclusion, while I can't stop you from buying this... collectible, I urge you, dear readers, to think twice before bringing this Spider-Man figure into your homes. Remember, a real hero doesn't need action figures - they need the support of law-abiding citizens like you and me. This is J. Jonah Jameson, reminding you to stay vigilant and keep your eyes on the skies. And if you see Spider-Man, call the police!
Hasbro
Spider-Man Marvel Legends Spider-Man Unlimited 6-Inch Action Figure
New Spider-Menace Toy Hits Shelves In a world where real heroes wear badges, not spandex.
Ā
Hasbro has decided to unleash yet another Spider-Man action figure upon our unsuspecting populace. This time, it's the so-called "Spider-Man Unlimited" 6-inch figure, part of their Marvel Legends line.
Ā
But let me ask you this, dear readers: do we really need more reminders of this wall-crawling menace in our homes? According to Hasbro, this figure is "detailed to look like the character from Marvel's Spider-Man comics." Well, isn't that just dandy? As if we didn't have enough trouble telling the difference between the real menace and his comic book counterpart.
Ā
They claim this toy is perfect for "reimagining comics-inspired scenes." I ask you, citizens of New York, do we want our children reimagining scenes of property damage and vigilante justice? Now, I know what you're thinking. "But JJ, it's just a toy!"
Ā
Well, let me break it down for you: This 6-inch scale figure is "fully articulated" - meaning it can probably crawl into places it doesn't belong, just like the real Spider-Man. It comes with 4 alternate hand accessories. That's right, 4 different ways for this plastic menace to point fingers at law-abiding citizens! It's designed for ages 4 and up. Are we really starting them this young on spider-worship?
Ā
The toy's description mentions battling against Carnage and "other unearthly enemies." I'll tell you what's unearthly - the idea that we need masked vigilantes swinging around our city! Now, I'm not saying Hasbro is intentionally trying to corrupt our youth. But let's face facts: this toy is made in China, probably mass-produced faster than Spider-Man can spin a web of lies. And with a UPC of 05010996282729, you can bet it'll be flying off the shelves quicker than you can say "public menace."
Ā
In conclusion, while I can't stop you from buying this... collectible, I urge you, dear readers, to think twice before bringing this Spider-Man figure into your homes. Remember, a real hero doesn't need action figures - they need the support of law-abiding citizens like you and me. This is J. Jonah Jameson, reminding you to stay vigilant and keep your eyes on the skies. And if you see Spider-Man, call the police!